Random.

Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to wake up from a dream.

Even though I'm already awake.

Sometimes I feel like I'm on the outside of my own thoughts.

Even though I'm still here inside.

I think I kind of lost myself again. In this insane game called life.

Addiction? Mental dependancy?
It's funny I could be such a hypocrite.

It's funny how I analyze people with utmost scrutiny.
Yet I can't face the same dilemmas that eat away at my own mind.
And still I sit here, trapped in this mind. With nothing but my thoughts to keep me company.

I try to think back to when it first started. But it's true, my memory fails me once again.
Trapped in the now.
I can't escape my own head, as much as I'd like to.
Just sleep, for once. Relax my mind.
Impossible. Gripped in the tight claws of insomnia.
My thoughts rage on. And on.
They always told me these pictures we're a curse.
I never beleived them until now.
The self-fufilling prophecy of insanity.
Oh I'd pray to be normal. If I knew what that was.
Not that anybody does.
I'd pray for death, if I truly thought that was the answer.
I'd pray at all, if I thought it had purpose.
But nothing can save me from the ravaging machines that are my thoughts.
It's like this massive attack.
Nothing you can do to defend or evade.
Just sit there, in the spinning cycles.
Why won't my blood just stop flowing for alittle while.
And let this brain of mine die alittle.
At least enough for me to breathe.
And enjoy the time in between.
I guess my innocence truly is gone.
If it ever existed, in the world.
This world perverted by correct thinking and evaluation.
Or maybe it's the opposite.

I guess I'll never truly know.
and I have to accept my weakness for what it is.
Never.