I can't stop.

Posting stuff tonight.

Maybe it's the Rage Against The Machine igniting my sense of freedom, or lack thereof.

Too many people don't take the chance to cherish the times that they really can be free.

The ground beneath my feet...
Moving faster then I can even imagine...
I feel the pulse every time I leave the ground...
Gravity my biggest enemy, you will not prevail...
I will fly far above this earth, with only these blades to guide me...
I cut through the air and slice a whole in time as I defy that which has always held me down...
I lift off and it seems time stops for those few seconds as I am truly free...
See if you can catch me now, before I leave you all behind...
Slam back to earth, my bones absorb the brutal attack for defiance...
You will never win Gravity, my unruly maiden...
I will find a way to finally be really free...
Adreniline pumps as I prepare for the next bout...
My lungs burn.. Muscles ache.. But I will not stop...
I won't stop until I'm free.









"We gotta take the power back."

Untitled.

Listen.
More then normal.
Fine.
Do what you really! like.
(I) [am] the infinite.
[In] finite form.

Take
tHe
revolvEr
from
my pockeT
RUTHlessly.

(infinite comes to an end]

Knowledge of Cummings and basic math symbols help alot with understanding this one.

Adrenal Response.

Have you ever heard the saying...
"No man who has lived a life of simple security ever gets remembered, except as a statistic..."

Well, if you haven't before. You have now.
It really does fire some nuerons, in terms of how to live your life.

Think back to when you were a kid. Most of the time, you were completely oblivious to your surroundings. The only thing you cared about for the most part was, what was in front of you and what you could do with it. You were young enough to be programmed into being a safe responsible adult. (Now, I'm obviously excluding the outliers. Child Prodigies, Over Achievers, Criminal Minds.) [While this thought seems irrelevant. We'll revisit this later.]

Each person takes their own risks daily. They go through their day, and thousands of times will encounter danger of death or injury. Not tempting those dangers, but passing through them as lightly as possible. As Underoath so well put, It's Dangerous Bussiness Walking Out Your Front Door. And it is, more then some people realize. Chance, probability and all of the realtion to those. They are all based on the choices you make. You can put yourself in the higher probability table for accident and death with a simple solitary action.

As a child, you weren't aware of such things. You lived and you played. Life was bliss, mostly based on your ignorance or innocence. Which ever you prefer to call it. Death was all around you, but you were more then happy to stare it in the face. Even if it was invisible, you did it.

Adults have this fear of death that is scary. They are fully aware of it, have probably watched it take action more then enough times during their lifetime to be afraid of it. To lose that which is most valuble, to most people at least.

So what do you call it when adults deliberately put themselves at risk of death?
The ones that stare death in the face, with intelligent minds and awareness are the ones that come out alive and well. The other ones, the remainder who do not tempt death. Or choose to face it stupidly and without sense. Are the ones that die with less feeling.

It is said that people who tempt death are stupid.
I supremely disagree. Those people are most alive, because they are at their peak.
They are no longer innocent, and still face it with utmost consideration.

As a child I tempted death more times then I can remember. Both innocently and not.
As I live on and grow older. I tempt death with even more care, but at the same time more probability on the opposite side.
Call me whatever you want.

They say that luck will always catch up to you.
Well I guess it's better not to rely on that huh.

It's Been A While..

It's been a while since I've visited these pages.

Though somehow even though I'm No One in truth, I feel like I've established an indentity for myself here. Obviously, hiding in between the lines. Even though I know it's not fame there, but more subtle truth of the underexamined mind.

Anyway.

Have you ever thought to yourself, laying awake in your bed at night...
I wonder if anybody else is thinking the same thoughts that I am right now.
I wonder, truly wonder if their brain itches as much as mine does in the same places.
Ever think for a second if your problem is really a systemic problem that branches off of just being human.
And that everbody else can overcome that problem except for you.
Have you ever really thought about the system, itself. The system of comparison that we use to find the smarter people more deserving of higher jobs and apprehensible behavior.
Have you even once looked at yourself in the mirror and really wondered what the hell is going on behind those eyes?
I know I certainly have.

The only downside is that I never had an answer for myself. Or at least to the untrained eye it seemed like everyone else was feeling completely numb. Just kind of going through life, not really wondering about anything at all. At least not until recently. After more thought, I realize that if everyone's thoughts could flow through my brain for a second it would be more overloaded then a power grid during the summer months.

For a while I didn't beleive that age brought wisdom and responsibility. And yet somehow I'm starting to change my mind about that. More recently I've felt motivated to do things to further my life. Even small things, but enough to show even just myself that I'm not really as fucked up as I think I am.

Though, Purpose is still quite an illusion.

Random.

Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to wake up from a dream.

Even though I'm already awake.

Sometimes I feel like I'm on the outside of my own thoughts.

Even though I'm still here inside.

I think I kind of lost myself again. In this insane game called life.

Addiction? Mental dependancy?
It's funny I could be such a hypocrite.

It's funny how I analyze people with utmost scrutiny.
Yet I can't face the same dilemmas that eat away at my own mind.
And still I sit here, trapped in this mind. With nothing but my thoughts to keep me company.

I try to think back to when it first started. But it's true, my memory fails me once again.
Trapped in the now.
I can't escape my own head, as much as I'd like to.
Just sleep, for once. Relax my mind.
Impossible. Gripped in the tight claws of insomnia.
My thoughts rage on. And on.
They always told me these pictures we're a curse.
I never beleived them until now.
The self-fufilling prophecy of insanity.
Oh I'd pray to be normal. If I knew what that was.
Not that anybody does.
I'd pray for death, if I truly thought that was the answer.
I'd pray at all, if I thought it had purpose.
But nothing can save me from the ravaging machines that are my thoughts.
It's like this massive attack.
Nothing you can do to defend or evade.
Just sit there, in the spinning cycles.
Why won't my blood just stop flowing for alittle while.
And let this brain of mine die alittle.
At least enough for me to breathe.
And enjoy the time in between.
I guess my innocence truly is gone.
If it ever existed, in the world.
This world perverted by correct thinking and evaluation.
Or maybe it's the opposite.

I guess I'll never truly know.
and I have to accept my weakness for what it is.
Never.