Discovery

The cool fall breeze spread across my skin sending a shiver down up my body.

Dusk is my favorite time of day. The light of the day recedes into the earth, kind of like someone slowly turning a dimmer switch on the world. Everything becomes a silhouette, leaning up against the fading orange, blue and purple. Birds become just shadows, swooping back and forth across the sky. I feel at home in dusk, in night. There I'm no one in particular, I'm a just another lonely shadow. And I love it.

I stood in the dim light of the fading sun. I stood there at the edge of the water, staring down as I did. A flock of geese bobbed up and down on the wavy water. They were just outlines, floating on a sea of black. The wind bristled the leaves of the trees nearby, conducting a symphony with their small bodies. The drop down to the water from my plateau was littered with rocks and trees. It was an beautiful sight.

I shifted my gaze down to my shoes. "Am I really standing here?" I thought to myself.

It seems stupid to ask such a question, but the honest truth is that in that moment, I couldn't be sure. It was surreal.

For what seemed like hours, I stood there. Just staring. Staring without being judged or condescended. I was completely disconnected from everyone and everything. The moment felt amazing. Feeling fulfilled I walked over to my blue sport-bike and mounted it. I followed the trail back across the plateau. My bike tires crunched against the gravel path, clashing with the Wind's symphony.

A plane passed overhead, it's engines roared from high in the sky. It was life in stereo, multicolored and brilliant.

In the distance, I could see silhouettes of people. Their bodies locked together in passion, fiercely kissing each other. They stood in my path, completely unaware of my presence. As I approached, I could see the details in their silhouettes.

Her arms wrapped around his neck, resting upon his broad shoulders. Her was hair being blown all over by the playful wind. His strong tall body was standing to shield her from the wind.

I started to pick up speed, as they left the foreground of my thoughts. I heard a voice cry out.

"James? Is that you?"

I slid my bike to a halt, and turned around.

Her deep green eyes pierced mine, even in the low light. Suddenly, my silhouette had shattered into pieces.
"Hey Amy. Didn't realize it was you. How are you?"

Her full lips seemed to caress each word as she spoke.
"I'm good. You remember my boyfriend Tom, don't you?"

"Of course." I extended my hand to him.
His large hand grasped mine firmly, lingering for just a moment.

I stared into her eyes. I was taking a trip, right there in front of them. I traveled back into the past.

I remembered the first time I stared into them. I was pretending to read outside of school.
She caught me staring and demanded to know what I was staring at. I apologized, and stammered nervously.
She laughed and asked what I was reading.

I remembered when she told me she loved me.

"Oh, James.. I adore you so."
Her full lips seemed to caress each word as she spoke.

"You're so beautiful, Amy. I get lost in your eyes."
Those pools of green, where my stares had fallen so many times.
Within them, time stops. Moments linger and memories are vivid.

"I-I love you, James."
Must've been the only time I had ever heard her unsure of herself.

"I love you too, Amy. Indescribably so."

And when she took it back.

"I'm sorry, James. I'm so sorry."
Her green eyes were leaking tears. Streams of water running down her smooth skin.

"I love you, but I'm just not in love with you anymore. I can't fake it anymore."
Her words were like daggers in that moment.

I remember the sound of the car door slam as she left me. I remember how it smelled,
how the brisk fall air stung my nostrils. I remember that moment so vividly.

And I returned.

"Well, I've got to go. Nice to see you again."

"It was. Goodbye." She smiled. He gave me a slight wave.

I smiled, and turned away from them.

I mounted my trusty blue sport bike again. I listened to the symphony of the leaves.
The gravel crunching underneath my bike tires. I returned to play in the world of silhouettes and
undefined beings. I shoved myself forward and pedaled hard.

"I can fake it. I will always fake it."
I whispered to no one at all.