free·dom
–noun
1. the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint: He won his freedom after a retrial.
2. exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc.
3. the power to determine action without restraint.
Freedom. Something that so many people search for and extraordinarily few actually find. I've been searching my mind for so long for true freedom. So far I've found that a free mind is an impossible one. I asked friends of mine.
"Do you ever think there will be a single moment in your life that you are able to completely quiet your mind? Complete peace?"
Their replies were skeptical, and simply put. "Life is everything...But peace."
A free mind can solve any problem, escape any situation and do anything due to its extreme and rare clarity. You can tell me that your mind is free, but I do not believe you. Your layers of thought betray you, because just this statement is proof your mind is not free.
"Siddhartha Gautama, founder of Buddhism, was born in India 500 years before Christ. He began life as a privileged prince, but in his late 20s gave up his royal existence in the pursuit of enlightenment and spiritual awakening."
I suppose the Buddhists are on the right track. Their religion is all about finding mental clarity and peace with yourself. In an ideal world, they're awesome. Sadly, our world is nothing close to ideal. Also, Siddhartha must've been pretty close if any. He was able to give up royalty and an easier life for this quest. Regardless, I'm no advocate of religion.
Moving on.
"To work with changes now, in life: That is the real way to prepare for death. Life may be full of pain, suffering, and difficulty, but all of these are opportunities handed to us to help us move toward an emotional acceptance of death. It is only when we believe things to be permanent that we shut off the possibility of learning from change."
---Sogyal Rinpoche
Is death the only doorway to peace?
Or is peace the only doorway to death?
Or is peace the only true doorway to happiness?
Peace = Freedom. A simple equation.
When you've got nothing to lose or gain. You're free.
I don't think I'll ever find freedom.
And I don't think I care.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Fantasy (Reply)
Well, to begin. I enjoyed reading everyone's responses. Each thought out and well written.
To start, Heres the definition of Fantasy according to the dictionary.
1. imagination, esp. when extravagant and unrestrained.
2. the forming of mental images, esp. wondrous or strange fancies; imaginative conceptualizing.
3. a mental image, esp. when unreal or fantastic; vision: a nightmare fantasy.
4. Psychology. an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.
5. a hallucination.
6. a supposition based on no solid foundation; visionary idea; illusion: dreams of Utopias and similar fantasies.
7. caprice; whim.
8. an ingenious or fanciful thought, design, or invention.
9. Also, fantasia. Literature. an imaginative or fanciful work, esp. one dealing with supernatural or unnatural events or characters: The stories of Poe are fantasies of horror.
–verb (used with object), verb (used without object)
11. to form mental images; imagine; fantasize.
12. Rare. to write or play fantasias.
Pretty interesting huh? This definition tells us that fantasy is as well entwined with daydreams as it is invention. Also suggests that a daydream is in fact a psychological need. Strikingly weird, it also says that an ingenious idea can be a fantasy.
Now think of this question. "What's your fantasy?"
Is it a singular experience that you secretly long for?
Perhaps, your fantasy is to defy a physics constant?
Or maybe attain the heart of someone?
Fantasies in themselves, are both a weakness and a strength. Fantasies allow, like anonymous said a goal to strive towards. Even if, (Which not always) it is unattainable. They are what allow inventors, writers and dreamers to create what they do. The mind needs some element of fantasy for personally, my mind is not quenched so easily by what is available. It is always seeking nourishment from normal sources. That fantasy is a world in which we create to entertain and test ideas we would never dare venture towards in reality.
You say this is weakness, I disagree. Weakness is those who remain in a fantasy never to return to their true life. Fantasies are dangerous though, most times untamed. There have been many people not able to wake from their fantasies. Some stuck permanently within them.
Think about what you consider to be a fantasy.
Think about the people you know, and what their fantasy might be.
It has been said that to see someone's fantasy is to see into the true inner workings of their mind. Because, most minds strive towards their fantasy. So their actions have the undertone of this.
No one can truly be in touch with reality if they don't leave it from to time.
It helps to find the distinguishable line. A learned person has been to both sides of the war. Not only one. Journeying too far on either side, and you will be lost without chance.
Keep your mind open. And take the journey.
To start, Heres the definition of Fantasy according to the dictionary.
1. imagination, esp. when extravagant and unrestrained.
2. the forming of mental images, esp. wondrous or strange fancies; imaginative conceptualizing.
3. a mental image, esp. when unreal or fantastic; vision: a nightmare fantasy.
4. Psychology. an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.
5. a hallucination.
6. a supposition based on no solid foundation; visionary idea; illusion: dreams of Utopias and similar fantasies.
7. caprice; whim.
8. an ingenious or fanciful thought, design, or invention.
9. Also, fantasia. Literature. an imaginative or fanciful work, esp. one dealing with supernatural or unnatural events or characters: The stories of Poe are fantasies of horror.
–verb (used with object), verb (used without object)
11. to form mental images; imagine; fantasize.
12. Rare. to write or play fantasias.
Pretty interesting huh? This definition tells us that fantasy is as well entwined with daydreams as it is invention. Also suggests that a daydream is in fact a psychological need. Strikingly weird, it also says that an ingenious idea can be a fantasy.
Now think of this question. "What's your fantasy?"
Is it a singular experience that you secretly long for?
Perhaps, your fantasy is to defy a physics constant?
Or maybe attain the heart of someone?
Fantasies in themselves, are both a weakness and a strength. Fantasies allow, like anonymous said a goal to strive towards. Even if, (Which not always) it is unattainable. They are what allow inventors, writers and dreamers to create what they do. The mind needs some element of fantasy for personally, my mind is not quenched so easily by what is available. It is always seeking nourishment from normal sources. That fantasy is a world in which we create to entertain and test ideas we would never dare venture towards in reality.
You say this is weakness, I disagree. Weakness is those who remain in a fantasy never to return to their true life. Fantasies are dangerous though, most times untamed. There have been many people not able to wake from their fantasies. Some stuck permanently within them.
Think about what you consider to be a fantasy.
Think about the people you know, and what their fantasy might be.
It has been said that to see someone's fantasy is to see into the true inner workings of their mind. Because, most minds strive towards their fantasy. So their actions have the undertone of this.
No one can truly be in touch with reality if they don't leave it from to time.
It helps to find the distinguishable line. A learned person has been to both sides of the war. Not only one. Journeying too far on either side, and you will be lost without chance.
Keep your mind open. And take the journey.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Fantasy.
Well...
I want you guys to anonymously post what you define the word fantasy as.
I've got a couple thoughts on this so make sure it's good.
I'll post my reply when I get 5 or more.
I want you guys to anonymously post what you define the word fantasy as.
I've got a couple thoughts on this so make sure it's good.
I'll post my reply when I get 5 or more.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Mirror Mirror On The Wall...
Mirror mirror on the wall...
Can I ask you a question?
Am I really here?
Or is this reflection just an empty shell of where I used to be...
I guess you can't answer that can you.
It's true..
Sometimes I just look at myself in the mirror to make sure that I'm still myself.
Today I looked, and saw no one familiar.
Not that I've changed, but more to the effect that I never knew myself to begin with.
I looked into my friend's faces today.. Kind of letting them imprint my mind.
I felt sad. Sad because as life is inevitable tragedy. And I'm so tired of hearing tragedy. I guess I wished that life wasn't the way it is.. for any of them. And that happiness would always be there.
Can I ask you a question?
Am I really here?
Or is this reflection just an empty shell of where I used to be...
I guess you can't answer that can you.
It's true..
Sometimes I just look at myself in the mirror to make sure that I'm still myself.
Today I looked, and saw no one familiar.
Not that I've changed, but more to the effect that I never knew myself to begin with.
I looked into my friend's faces today.. Kind of letting them imprint my mind.
I felt sad. Sad because as life is inevitable tragedy. And I'm so tired of hearing tragedy. I guess I wished that life wasn't the way it is.. for any of them. And that happiness would always be there.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
I am No One.
I'm writing this out of pure insomnia induced insanity.
Ever stop doing something, just for a second and wonder where your headed?
Very seldom, do I actually do this. Most of the time, I'm concerned with simply what is happening today and nothing more.
Maybe it's just my mental deformities that cause me to think in such a way.
Not to say that anybody really has their life paved out for them.
After all, we are all walking in the same race, though somehow I feel like I'm destined to come in last.
I'm completely o.k. with this.
I take the title of No One, because very seldom do I actually feel like someone.
As a whole person, I'm more composed of stories than I am experiences.
Like a ghost, that just happened to be around while these things were taking place.
Lost in limbo forever.
For a while this was just supposed to be unspecific writings not focused on my personal feelings. While still unspecific, focus has changed. And for this I apologize.
Reality is but a spinning cycle of events completely lost in a made up scale.
Ask me the time or date.
I'll bet you 8/10 chance I won't know it.
Why you ask?
Maybe I'm just stupid.
Or Maybe I'm playing a game with myself to escape from the tortures of our man made scale.
How old am I?
Not too old, and never old enough.
But not young either.
I'm just here.
Religion is one of those things thats supposed to put some structure in human life.
Think about it?
If you live completely abstract from society and rules than basically it becomes a life of anarchy you lead.
This makes making judgments a lot harder. You have no set of guidelines imposed on you to make sense from the experience. Your rules and guidelines become those that your environment has imposed onto you in your solitude. Truly could be anything.
With good intention became corrupt intention.
(And so corrupt intention has alerted followers of it's presence, and such has lost them.)
Structure has never been a friend to my life.
And yet I've never even rebelled to it.
It just never came along.
Everything, from this age has gone against those morals and rules that were imposed on me by my friends, family and leaders.
I live a life, not lead, but not leading either.
I'd love to think I've got a goals, but such goals have been fogged.
Them becoming a true possibility has been hurt by my apathy.
So I sit here, in this moment..
4:36AM frozen forever.
I'll awaken when I finally get to sleep.
Or maybe I won't, and I'll stay in dream land forever.
I sure do like it here.
I am No One.
I am the thoughts you choose not to allow to come to consciousness.
I am the hidden shadow behind your beautiful exterior.
I am the unaffected, unavailable and impossible.
I am not banished or welcomed.
4:36AM
I guess I will be asleep forever.
No ma__er people wi__ no_ mi__ m_.
My l_a____e_e o_ w___ g_ u_no_ti_ce_.
I ____ __ ____ __ ____.
_______ __ _______.
Ever stop doing something, just for a second and wonder where your headed?
Very seldom, do I actually do this. Most of the time, I'm concerned with simply what is happening today and nothing more.
Maybe it's just my mental deformities that cause me to think in such a way.
Not to say that anybody really has their life paved out for them.
After all, we are all walking in the same race, though somehow I feel like I'm destined to come in last.
I'm completely o.k. with this.
I take the title of No One, because very seldom do I actually feel like someone.
As a whole person, I'm more composed of stories than I am experiences.
Like a ghost, that just happened to be around while these things were taking place.
Lost in limbo forever.
For a while this was just supposed to be unspecific writings not focused on my personal feelings. While still unspecific, focus has changed. And for this I apologize.
Reality is but a spinning cycle of events completely lost in a made up scale.
Ask me the time or date.
I'll bet you 8/10 chance I won't know it.
Why you ask?
Maybe I'm just stupid.
Or Maybe I'm playing a game with myself to escape from the tortures of our man made scale.
How old am I?
Not too old, and never old enough.
But not young either.
I'm just here.
Religion is one of those things thats supposed to put some structure in human life.
Think about it?
If you live completely abstract from society and rules than basically it becomes a life of anarchy you lead.
This makes making judgments a lot harder. You have no set of guidelines imposed on you to make sense from the experience. Your rules and guidelines become those that your environment has imposed onto you in your solitude. Truly could be anything.
With good intention became corrupt intention.
(And so corrupt intention has alerted followers of it's presence, and such has lost them.)
Structure has never been a friend to my life.
And yet I've never even rebelled to it.
It just never came along.
Everything, from this age has gone against those morals and rules that were imposed on me by my friends, family and leaders.
I live a life, not lead, but not leading either.
I'd love to think I've got a goals, but such goals have been fogged.
Them becoming a true possibility has been hurt by my apathy.
So I sit here, in this moment..
4:36AM frozen forever.
I'll awaken when I finally get to sleep.
Or maybe I won't, and I'll stay in dream land forever.
I sure do like it here.
I am No One.
I am the thoughts you choose not to allow to come to consciousness.
I am the hidden shadow behind your beautiful exterior.
I am the unaffected, unavailable and impossible.
I am not banished or welcomed.
4:36AM
I guess I will be asleep forever.
No ma__er people wi__ no_ mi__ m_.
My l_a____e_e o_ w___ g_ u_no_ti_ce_.
I ____ __ ____ __ ____.
_______ __ _______.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
I'm not sure what changed that night, but the allure behind his actions wasn't as glimmering. Suddenly, I realized that he just like all of us. Corrupted. Stealing. Behind that seemingly good soul, there lies one much darker then all of ours. It's funny how one simple action can change your entire outlook on someone. And suddenly, you start to link them together. And they fall from their state of goodness onto the hard concrete of reality.
Stolen you say? Why not in the least. It's only stealing if your prey is aware of your actions.
Your immoralities beseech you to think differently than I do. But you are what you are a bandit. And that you shall remain.
Well, I'm glad you've come to this conclusion so quickly my dear friend. At last my thoughts are no longer incomprehensible.
But I've been you all along, so who truly is at fault here. Your thoughts are simply mine at different level. Two halves of one whole nothing.
Your contradiction has never felt more satisfying.
Stolen you say? Why not in the least. It's only stealing if your prey is aware of your actions.
Your immoralities beseech you to think differently than I do. But you are what you are a bandit. And that you shall remain.
Well, I'm glad you've come to this conclusion so quickly my dear friend. At last my thoughts are no longer incomprehensible.
But I've been you all along, so who truly is at fault here. Your thoughts are simply mine at different level. Two halves of one whole nothing.
Your contradiction has never felt more satisfying.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Cognitive Dissonance
If ever life were so easy, to be described as "clear" I think I might end mine on that day.
Life is nothing of the sort, nothing a tag along like myself could ever truly comprehend.
You say it's easy, I disagree.
I can't help but shake the fact that every thought I have is cognitive dissonance hard at work.
My thoughts do not reflect my behavior.
My thoughts do not reflect my behavior.
My thoughts do not reflect my behavior.
Sometimes I truly wish I was without a name or face.
I find myself watching people from the outside too often, when in fact I'm on the inside of the situation. People amaze me. General action and reaction, speech and behavior. I suppose thats why I handled everything with my parents so well. And with everything that happened. Thinking back, that never really happened to me. I was just watching a story unfold.
Most of the time, I can look at the sky on a beautiful night or even a rainstorm perhaps. And cleanse myself of my life as a whole. Just kind of live in the moment.
It's a beautifully freeing feeling. I hope you'll try it one day.
I had an odd moment today actually. For just a couple seconds, I forgot my entire past. Everything I had known was gone, for just a split second. But there was not happiness, but I was truly afraid. I didn't have a signature, I didn't have anything to guide my action. More or less, I was a blank slate.
My life has been one string of dissonance after another. One string of things that I did but didn't beleive in or things I beleived in but didn't act upon.
So I have to ask, where do these come from?
The thoughts that contridict my clarity?
I suppose this is what you call a conscience. Truly a manifestation of dissonance between our constantly conflicting thoughts. If this is true, then wouldn't that in theory be regarded as multiple personalities? These exist in all human beings. So that begs the question. Why? Is it an advanced controlled-response to previous experiences in life? Take the example of conditioning an animal. The animal takes it's previous experiences into account weighted to make it's decision on it's next action. So the human mind must do this on an advanced level. And because of the advanced brain structure we posses, creates dissonance manifested into two possibilities. However, the weight of the past experiences is determined by the amount of desire for either outcome. And not just two possibilities. But many. This is where advanced thinking comes in.
And this is where I will leave you for tonight.
Life is nothing of the sort, nothing a tag along like myself could ever truly comprehend.
You say it's easy, I disagree.
I can't help but shake the fact that every thought I have is cognitive dissonance hard at work.
My thoughts do not reflect my behavior.
My thoughts do not reflect my behavior.
My thoughts do not reflect my behavior.
Sometimes I truly wish I was without a name or face.
I find myself watching people from the outside too often, when in fact I'm on the inside of the situation. People amaze me. General action and reaction, speech and behavior. I suppose thats why I handled everything with my parents so well. And with everything that happened. Thinking back, that never really happened to me. I was just watching a story unfold.
Most of the time, I can look at the sky on a beautiful night or even a rainstorm perhaps. And cleanse myself of my life as a whole. Just kind of live in the moment.
It's a beautifully freeing feeling. I hope you'll try it one day.
I had an odd moment today actually. For just a couple seconds, I forgot my entire past. Everything I had known was gone, for just a split second. But there was not happiness, but I was truly afraid. I didn't have a signature, I didn't have anything to guide my action. More or less, I was a blank slate.
My life has been one string of dissonance after another. One string of things that I did but didn't beleive in or things I beleived in but didn't act upon.
So I have to ask, where do these come from?
The thoughts that contridict my clarity?
I suppose this is what you call a conscience. Truly a manifestation of dissonance between our constantly conflicting thoughts. If this is true, then wouldn't that in theory be regarded as multiple personalities? These exist in all human beings. So that begs the question. Why? Is it an advanced controlled-response to previous experiences in life? Take the example of conditioning an animal. The animal takes it's previous experiences into account weighted to make it's decision on it's next action. So the human mind must do this on an advanced level. And because of the advanced brain structure we posses, creates dissonance manifested into two possibilities. However, the weight of the past experiences is determined by the amount of desire for either outcome. And not just two possibilities. But many. This is where advanced thinking comes in.
And this is where I will leave you for tonight.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Zero Resistance
Control will never hurt me again
The consequences are too strong
Muisc is my freedom
From parameter and expectation
It releases me from my body
and changes my reason
A true thoughtful high
Experience will help you understand
I wish I could teach you
Oh how you would enjoy it
An impossibility
Zero resistance
The consequences are too strong
Muisc is my freedom
From parameter and expectation
It releases me from my body
and changes my reason
A true thoughtful high
Experience will help you understand
I wish I could teach you
Oh how you would enjoy it
An impossibility
Zero resistance
I live in a world
Not quite reality
Not quite a dream
A perfect mixture of the two
That keeps me sane
I don't need your chemical
Though I don't blame you for your jealousy
I've never really touched the floor
I don't know what my body feels like anymore
I hear it's nice though
You and I are more alike than you think
Though you use the back door
Look for me next time you dream.
Not quite reality
Not quite a dream
A perfect mixture of the two
That keeps me sane
I don't need your chemical
Though I don't blame you for your jealousy
I've never really touched the floor
I don't know what my body feels like anymore
I hear it's nice though
You and I are more alike than you think
Though you use the back door
Look for me next time you dream.
Feel the breath move past my lips
Outward the warmth of my body flows
Oh what a deadly caress
This sensual destruction has never made sense
and yet I can't look away
I have never felt so alive
And yet I'm already dead
Lick your lips and taste my impossibility
Blow me away
This moment of silence
Is really not silence at all
Destroy me again
Your beauty is indescribable
this tantric impossibility
I can't touch the floor
My body is yours
My mind is yours
I have nothing left
And this death has never tasted so amazing
As it all drips away
Kill me again
Take away what no one ever has before
And never will again
Outward the warmth of my body flows
Oh what a deadly caress
This sensual destruction has never made sense
and yet I can't look away
I have never felt so alive
And yet I'm already dead
Lick your lips and taste my impossibility
Blow me away
This moment of silence
Is really not silence at all
Destroy me again
Your beauty is indescribable
this tantric impossibility
I can't touch the floor
My body is yours
My mind is yours
I have nothing left
And this death has never tasted so amazing
As it all drips away
Kill me again
Take away what no one ever has before
And never will again
Let your mind drift into the realm of mine,
Where the line between dreams and what is true fades.
I cannot call this my realm,
Since your mind has dwelled here with me
For as long as I can remember.
I float in thoughtless limbo,
And yet my thoughts are clear
They do not belong to this body,
But you do.
Let your mind fall numb,
To those thoughts of uncertainty
I am what I am not
But you are what you are.
Pins and needles signal my return to truth
And I am what I am once again,
But you are what you are,
Impossibility never seemed so entertaining.
Where the line between dreams and what is true fades.
I cannot call this my realm,
Since your mind has dwelled here with me
For as long as I can remember.
I float in thoughtless limbo,
And yet my thoughts are clear
They do not belong to this body,
But you do.
Let your mind fall numb,
To those thoughts of uncertainty
I am what I am not
But you are what you are.
Pins and needles signal my return to truth
And I am what I am once again,
But you are what you are,
Impossibility never seemed so entertaining.
(untitled)
Acceptance is a brutal uncertain measure
A risk we take
Compromising our beliefs and skeptical thoughts
We are more alike then you think
and I am nothing like what I am
Listen
And beleive
Accept me for what I am, gnihton
gnihtyreve is nothing but backwards.
A risk we take
Compromising our beliefs and skeptical thoughts
We are more alike then you think
and I am nothing like what I am
Listen
And beleive
Accept me for what I am, gnihton
gnihtyreve is nothing but backwards.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Blades.
Eight days of the week
I'm dead on my feet.
I can't beleive my eyes,
The world is turning on me again
But than again what can I expect
I've built up my expectation
Haven't been felled by tempation
I will never be free,
I will never be free,
Let me go
Like a zombie I return
Reborn underneath crimson skies
I awaken to my ability to fly
Seconds hang with me in the air
And everything is silent
The wind passes across my skin
Everything and nothing matters
Maybe this is life
Maybe this is death
What do I know anyway?
Let my reanimated body fly again
Let my soul pour out of my skin
No obstacles will stop me
My body will not limit me anymore
Let me soar in blissful antigravity
Sharp as they might be
My tools keep me sane
They numb the pain
My body is impossible
My mind is corrupt
But I am free
(TBC)
I'm dead on my feet.
I can't beleive my eyes,
The world is turning on me again
But than again what can I expect
I've built up my expectation
Haven't been felled by tempation
I will never be free,
I will never be free,
Let me go
Like a zombie I return
Reborn underneath crimson skies
I awaken to my ability to fly
Seconds hang with me in the air
And everything is silent
The wind passes across my skin
Everything and nothing matters
Maybe this is life
Maybe this is death
What do I know anyway?
Let my reanimated body fly again
Let my soul pour out of my skin
No obstacles will stop me
My body will not limit me anymore
Let me soar in blissful antigravity
Sharp as they might be
My tools keep me sane
They numb the pain
My body is impossible
My mind is corrupt
But I am free
(TBC)
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Untitled
I've actually been looking for this picture for a while...
It reminds me of how I've always felt during a party or some kind of gathering with different mind-altering things around.
Not really a total part of the situation I just kind of sit and let everyone pass by me. Almost feels like seconds, when it is really hours. At the same time I enjoy that feeling, knowing that most of the people around me will not retain memory about me, minus the fact that I was present. Almost like a ghost. To be quite honest, I don't know why I enjoy that feeling. But it's almost a feeling of freedom. After all, what am I supposed to do. It's mind altering, in its own way. Watching the modification of others. I suppose it's that, that I enjoy watching.
It reminds me of how I've always felt during a party or some kind of gathering with different mind-altering things around.
Not really a total part of the situation I just kind of sit and let everyone pass by me. Almost feels like seconds, when it is really hours. At the same time I enjoy that feeling, knowing that most of the people around me will not retain memory about me, minus the fact that I was present. Almost like a ghost. To be quite honest, I don't know why I enjoy that feeling. But it's almost a feeling of freedom. After all, what am I supposed to do. It's mind altering, in its own way. Watching the modification of others. I suppose it's that, that I enjoy watching.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Primal.
Oh, Primal my love. Why do you prey upon my thoughts?
You are the cause for this madness, and yet I cannot get away.
I am trapped in the homeostatic nature of my brain.
Primal, don't ever leave.
I was programmed to be corrupted. And left with my own destructive government.
Primal, Ilove HATE you.
You are the cause for this madness, and yet I cannot get away.
I am trapped in the homeostatic nature of my brain.
Primal, don't ever leave.
I was programmed to be corrupted. And left with my own destructive government.
Primal, I
L etter
The definition lies poignant on my thoughts.
Appealing in a nature thats more than just arousal.
The fierce remembrance of that one vulnerability.
One-weak-link, so to speak.
The structure starts to decay, and slowly fall away.
Reasons, consequences no longer apply.
Diluded by this madness, your thoughts are frayed.
You're exactly what you were at first, mere animal.
Appealing in a nature thats more than just arousal.
The fierce remembrance of that one vulnerability.
One-weak-link, so to speak.
The structure starts to decay, and slowly fall away.
Reasons, consequences no longer apply.
Diluded by this madness, your thoughts are frayed.
You're exactly what you were at first, mere animal.
Difference Theory
I have a theory on the difference between people, between intelligence, between everything.
That people, or at least most people, choose their state of mind. To have an active or dormant thinking process. To be overlearned in somethings and not so much in others. To be in mental freefall or to have control. I've come to the realization that I have a mental-control complex. That I will not allow my mind to go into freefall as long as I can help it. More-so that I'm afraid of losing the one power I have cherished my entire life, my ability to think in more than just linear or lateral motion. I'm not actually sure if thats how I think though. Since I've never been inside anybody else's head except my own. I've come close, and from what I learned.. So far, some select people show this non-linear thought process. Most do not. Thats pretty much the only true difference I've been able to draw between people. Baring the more extreme cases, most people think along the same lines. Similar people tend to stay together, and dissimilar people will stay together for a while only to destroy each other after a certain time. This kind of circles around my intelligence theory.
Is that what intelligence is? Having a multi-thread processing brain?
That one I've still to this day not been able to put a label on. But indeed the concept of multiple intelligences appeals to me. Anyway, thats a totally different tangent to run off onto.
That people, or at least most people, choose their state of mind. To have an active or dormant thinking process. To be overlearned in somethings and not so much in others. To be in mental freefall or to have control. I've come to the realization that I have a mental-control complex. That I will not allow my mind to go into freefall as long as I can help it. More-so that I'm afraid of losing the one power I have cherished my entire life, my ability to think in more than just linear or lateral motion. I'm not actually sure if thats how I think though. Since I've never been inside anybody else's head except my own. I've come close, and from what I learned.. So far, some select people show this non-linear thought process. Most do not. Thats pretty much the only true difference I've been able to draw between people. Baring the more extreme cases, most people think along the same lines. Similar people tend to stay together, and dissimilar people will stay together for a while only to destroy each other after a certain time. This kind of circles around my intelligence theory.
Is that what intelligence is? Having a multi-thread processing brain?
That one I've still to this day not been able to put a label on. But indeed the concept of multiple intelligences appeals to me. Anyway, thats a totally different tangent to run off onto.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Unlock.
As I create my network of destructive signals,
I wonder why I choose to engage in the activities that I do.
And why it is these things, that pull me out of bordem and into my active state.
Why is my mind fashioned the way it is?
My entire life, it has done nothing but defer me from accomplishing the goals that so many other people choose to aspire to. But somehow I think this is what makes me different from them.
My parents, for a long time couldn't cope with the fact that I would constantly have a desire to learn about technology and mechanics. My friends couldn't either. But yet, I was still told for the longest time that I was 'special' and 'different'. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard the phrase 'Is capable of so much more' said, in refrence to my school grades. I never really gave them the time of day. I did just above the minimal amount of work needed to shut them the hell up. The entire time, I would constantly have my head in front of two things. A book, or a piece of technology. My room was littered with the shells of broken phones, computers, copiers, printers, stereos, wires, T.Vs and more. I've been an insomniac for the best portion of my life. And that plague lives on. Reason being, is that an important requirement for me to sleep is that I need to have quelled the need for creation. Basically, accomplish everything I wanted to in the given day. And I've never really been able to do that. I know that once I sleep, I'll loose the vigor I have toward my project. I know sleep is an enemy, that I have no way of fighting against.
I wonder why I choose to engage in the activities that I do.
And why it is these things, that pull me out of bordem and into my active state.
Why is my mind fashioned the way it is?
My entire life, it has done nothing but defer me from accomplishing the goals that so many other people choose to aspire to. But somehow I think this is what makes me different from them.
My parents, for a long time couldn't cope with the fact that I would constantly have a desire to learn about technology and mechanics. My friends couldn't either. But yet, I was still told for the longest time that I was 'special' and 'different'. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard the phrase 'Is capable of so much more' said, in refrence to my school grades. I never really gave them the time of day. I did just above the minimal amount of work needed to shut them the hell up. The entire time, I would constantly have my head in front of two things. A book, or a piece of technology. My room was littered with the shells of broken phones, computers, copiers, printers, stereos, wires, T.Vs and more. I've been an insomniac for the best portion of my life. And that plague lives on. Reason being, is that an important requirement for me to sleep is that I need to have quelled the need for creation. Basically, accomplish everything I wanted to in the given day. And I've never really been able to do that. I know that once I sleep, I'll loose the vigor I have toward my project. I know sleep is an enemy, that I have no way of fighting against.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Draft.
After studying psychology,
I have found...
That why there are constants to behavior, to psychokinetics, to general life and the likes, nobody really knows anything. I could monolouge to myself for hours on the shear amount of speculation that has to do with psychology. How there is a direct correlation with physiology. Or is there?
I had a final today, and I'd say a good 60% of the questions ended in 'most likely' or theory.
So basically, these scientists really have as much solid ground as modern common knowledge allows. With basic correlations between certain traits and other things.
Publish.
I have found...
That why there are constants to behavior, to psychokinetics, to general life and the likes, nobody really knows anything. I could monolouge to myself for hours on the shear amount of speculation that has to do with psychology. How there is a direct correlation with physiology. Or is there?
I had a final today, and I'd say a good 60% of the questions ended in 'most likely' or theory.
So basically, these scientists really have as much solid ground as modern common knowledge allows. With basic correlations between certain traits and other things.
Publish.
Synapse.
Suseptable to all that we can devour.
All that we can metabolize, so to speak.
Dubbed "the space in between" that allows the connections that comprise our brains.
It can also be a source of exploitation for ourselves.
In a moments notice, this gateway can hailed with a malestrom of chemicals.
And that thought you just had, is now something else.
I wish I could explain it.
All that we can metabolize, so to speak.
Dubbed "the space in between" that allows the connections that comprise our brains.
It can also be a source of exploitation for ourselves.
In a moments notice, this gateway can hailed with a malestrom of chemicals.
And that thought you just had, is now something else.
I wish I could explain it.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Social Dependance For Sanity
Something intresting that I touched upon while studing psychology.
It is not health, nor is it monitary status, not even age determines a person's ability to be happy.
It's simply their social interactions, if any.
The more social you are, and the higher quality of individuals around you (according to your own opinion, of cource.) The happier you'll be.
It's funny how they could make that distinction, and it somehow rings truth to the phrase "money doesn't bring happiness." Well, according to these studies it doesn't. And sadly, I'm forced to agree due to my own experience.
Why is it exactly that we depend on others to be happy?
Not solely, of cource since inner happiness can be attained by the simplest of acceptances.
But why do we rely so heavily on the presence of others to be tension free?
Normally, these individuals that we will place around ourselves will only cause us more dissonance rather than free us from it.
It's a question I cannot answer myself.
But food for thought isn't it?
It is not health, nor is it monitary status, not even age determines a person's ability to be happy.
It's simply their social interactions, if any.
The more social you are, and the higher quality of individuals around you (according to your own opinion, of cource.) The happier you'll be.
It's funny how they could make that distinction, and it somehow rings truth to the phrase "money doesn't bring happiness." Well, according to these studies it doesn't. And sadly, I'm forced to agree due to my own experience.
Why is it exactly that we depend on others to be happy?
Not solely, of cource since inner happiness can be attained by the simplest of acceptances.
But why do we rely so heavily on the presence of others to be tension free?
Normally, these individuals that we will place around ourselves will only cause us more dissonance rather than free us from it.
It's a question I cannot answer myself.
But food for thought isn't it?
2:01AM
2:01AM.
Almost symbolic.. this first minute of the 'true' morning passes over me sending a chill up my spine.
I sit in pure silence, or what is pure silence to me.
To anybody else, it would be the whirr of hard drives and the clicking of switches.
I reflect on my day.. pausing once in a while to bask in my overwhelming silence.
The others are asleep, or what sleep has become. An escape from the stress of being awake.
I however, do not abandon my consiousness as easily as them.
I choose to hold onto it with the force of the jaws of life itself.
Even when I do fall victim to slumber, my mind forces me into vivid hallucination.
What sleep has become to me, is a game I force myself to win because of sheer neccesity.
If I were able to abandon all of my regiment against it's attack on my awareness, and succumb to it..
I would be more lost than I am now.
2:02AM.
Time seems to slow as I stare at the seconds moving through me.
Or am I moving through them?
My mind is sadly fatigued with memories of the day that has come to pass,
And then events that have happened.
Still my fingers are compelled to click these switches.
2:03AM.
If I were to count every minute from now, until I fall.. Oh how I wish I could.
Just to know that I have beaten my demon for that long is an amazing victory.
I am enticed by the lush goddess before me.
Come with me she says. Into my world.
My better judgement tells me to ignore the goddess.
But she grows more beautiful and lustful with each passing minute.
2:04AM.
My efforts seem to weather her attempts at me for one solitary moment.
But this moment has come to pass, and another has arisen.
This one that seems even harder to brave.
My eyes grow weary of their current state.. and start to rebel against me.
When I need them most, they seem to wane in vigor.
The goddess seems evermore closer and warmer now.
I fear I am fighting a losing battle.
My thoughts seem to meld together in this fight.
And my reality churns and changes.
Blurs and becomes more virally corrupted.
With every passing second.
Good night.
2:05AM.
Almost symbolic.. this first minute of the 'true' morning passes over me sending a chill up my spine.
I sit in pure silence, or what is pure silence to me.
To anybody else, it would be the whirr of hard drives and the clicking of switches.
I reflect on my day.. pausing once in a while to bask in my overwhelming silence.
The others are asleep, or what sleep has become. An escape from the stress of being awake.
I however, do not abandon my consiousness as easily as them.
I choose to hold onto it with the force of the jaws of life itself.
Even when I do fall victim to slumber, my mind forces me into vivid hallucination.
What sleep has become to me, is a game I force myself to win because of sheer neccesity.
If I were able to abandon all of my regiment against it's attack on my awareness, and succumb to it..
I would be more lost than I am now.
2:02AM.
Time seems to slow as I stare at the seconds moving through me.
Or am I moving through them?
My mind is sadly fatigued with memories of the day that has come to pass,
And then events that have happened.
Still my fingers are compelled to click these switches.
2:03AM.
If I were to count every minute from now, until I fall.. Oh how I wish I could.
Just to know that I have beaten my demon for that long is an amazing victory.
I am enticed by the lush goddess before me.
Come with me she says. Into my world.
My better judgement tells me to ignore the goddess.
But she grows more beautiful and lustful with each passing minute.
2:04AM.
My efforts seem to weather her attempts at me for one solitary moment.
But this moment has come to pass, and another has arisen.
This one that seems even harder to brave.
My eyes grow weary of their current state.. and start to rebel against me.
When I need them most, they seem to wane in vigor.
The goddess seems evermore closer and warmer now.
I fear I am fighting a losing battle.
My thoughts seem to meld together in this fight.
And my reality churns and changes.
Blurs and becomes more virally corrupted.
With every passing second.
Good night.
2:05AM.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Guest visit.
blindspott777: heres food for thought
blindspott777: you say that life feels like a dream
blindspott777: You can look at that different ways,
blindspott777: I feel as if u intend for it to fit a literal meaning of an alterante reality type dream similar to that in the matrix.
blindspott777: but arent we all simply living a drean
blindspott777: we are all striving forwards to this dream which we have all created in our minds, all the hopes and aspiratiuons that we hope to achieve. are all just figments of our imaginations which we have fabricated. and we are always living within a dream
flippy10: True, and isn't that dream subject to the perception of our mind?
flippy10: Thats pretty much what I've been trying to say for the longest time. But I still can't put my finger on it.
flippy10: But basically, our world is really a dream. Because our minds perceive the world we live in to be a certain way.
blindspott777: true
flippy10: I mean think about it, vision is interpreted by your eyes upside-down and backwards.
flippy10: Your brain compensates for that.
flippy10: And perceives it to be a certain way.
flippy10: What if nothing is really as it looks like to you?
blindspott777: the brain simply processes sensory information and builds our entire thought process of of it
blindspott777: in essence, all we are is a continuous retrieval and storage of sensory information and how to best minipulate those senses to feel good
blindspott777: its what all human society is based off of. achieving our basic sensory needs
flippy10: Well, more specifically what our brain requires for sustinence.
flippy10: I mean basically, food, water, sex, purpose.
blindspott777: lol
blindspott777: true
blindspott777: in a nutshell
flippy10: But everything humans have created is based upon the basic goals of conquest for our minds.
flippy10: Everything can be traced back to that.
blindspott777: very true.
flippy10: lol.. It's funny I'm just noticing this now.
flippy10: If you can think about your actions in a day, and really look at what the motives behind them were...
flippy10: Like.. everything is influenced by some sort of goal of either the consious or the subconsious.
flippy10: You might not even realize it.
blindspott777: true
flippy10: But decisions you make, have some sort of intent behind them.
blindspott777: and as you said, food, water, sex, purpose
flippy10: Yep.
flippy10: Those are the basic ones.
blindspott777: WHat really interests me
blindspott777: that is hard to explain 2 u kuz uv never done shrooms b4
blindspott777: but
blindspott777: is the "hallucinations" i saw
blindspott777: Because they werent hallucinations
blindspott777: its like
blindspott777: u see the same world, but in a different way
blindspott777: its as if the eyes just perceive everything differently and everything just gets processed differently, but who's to say whats right and what's wrong? because in the end of the day, all it really is, is light reflecting off of solid matter
flippy10: Yep. You're right about that..
blindspott777: lol
flippy10: lol. Irony!
blindspott777: true that
blindspott777: haha
flippy10: It's funny, in our feble attempts to explain our world. We've come across 'scientific' explainations
flippy10: And by that, it's really just a perception of how something functions
flippy10: But it's a perception thats shared by, if not all.
flippy10: And is at the very least, as close running to the truth as possible to attain.
blindspott777: science is great because it focuses upon how everything within the world functions, It's one downfall however, is that it fails to explain WHY everything does.
flippy10: Well, it's unable to do so without straying from the truth and into philsophy.
flippy10: Which is why science and philosophy are parallel in that sense
blindspott777: true
blindspott777: I believe that the way existance works is as foillows
blindspott777: If you look at an ant, You see it scuttling towards it's ant hill carrying a crumb to feed it's queen so that she may provide for the next generations, There is a hierarchy, a system of neccesary roles which need to be fulfilled and each and every little ant is playing their part in maintaining the system in some type of a way. We see life, we see purpose and movement towards the preservation and continuation of life and so we labe lt as a living organism with a certain degree of intelligence. However, we wouyld never expect the ant to fully comprehend why it has the purpose it does, or how the entire web of life works but merely fulfill its purpose in life and die.
blindspott777: however
blindspott777: humans have a tendency to believe that we have some type of supernatural purpose which strays beyond the confines of simple biological existance. However, we are all a part of some larger system which is so much greater than us and that much like the ant in his hill, we will never be able to understand
flippy10: I think thats the winner man.
flippy10: We are graced with a higher understanding than the ant.
flippy10: However, we will never truly comprehend the web that we are tangled up in.
blindspott777: exactly
blindspott777: and so the best we can hope for is to simply live out ur purpose and attempt to savor every second of life which we are blessed with.
blindspott777: or atleast thats my conclusion
blindspott777: others can choose to see things in their own way
flippy10: I can easily agree with that. At the very least, I will enjoy my time and do as much as I possibly can.
blindspott777: yup yup yup
blindspott777: and as you know with me, leave behind a legacy in the people whom you are able to influence. Family and friends, or anyone who a part of who you are is able to become embedded within.
blindspott777: for then the person who you are, regardless of physical form, will forever live on through your beliefs and loves
flippy10: And will live within the chain of people that you've affected with your influence
blindspott777: yup.
There was alot more to the conversation, but my point (and my guest's) was displayed fluently in this part.
blindspott777: you say that life feels like a dream
blindspott777: You can look at that different ways,
blindspott777: I feel as if u intend for it to fit a literal meaning of an alterante reality type dream similar to that in the matrix.
blindspott777: but arent we all simply living a drean
blindspott777: we are all striving forwards to this dream which we have all created in our minds, all the hopes and aspiratiuons that we hope to achieve. are all just figments of our imaginations which we have fabricated. and we are always living within a dream
flippy10: True, and isn't that dream subject to the perception of our mind?
flippy10: Thats pretty much what I've been trying to say for the longest time. But I still can't put my finger on it.
flippy10: But basically, our world is really a dream. Because our minds perceive the world we live in to be a certain way.
blindspott777: true
flippy10: I mean think about it, vision is interpreted by your eyes upside-down and backwards.
flippy10: Your brain compensates for that.
flippy10: And perceives it to be a certain way.
flippy10: What if nothing is really as it looks like to you?
blindspott777: the brain simply processes sensory information and builds our entire thought process of of it
blindspott777: in essence, all we are is a continuous retrieval and storage of sensory information and how to best minipulate those senses to feel good
blindspott777: its what all human society is based off of. achieving our basic sensory needs
flippy10: Well, more specifically what our brain requires for sustinence.
flippy10: I mean basically, food, water, sex, purpose.
blindspott777: lol
blindspott777: true
blindspott777: in a nutshell
flippy10: But everything humans have created is based upon the basic goals of conquest for our minds.
flippy10: Everything can be traced back to that.
blindspott777: very true.
flippy10: lol.. It's funny I'm just noticing this now.
flippy10: If you can think about your actions in a day, and really look at what the motives behind them were...
flippy10: Like.. everything is influenced by some sort of goal of either the consious or the subconsious.
flippy10: You might not even realize it.
blindspott777: true
flippy10: But decisions you make, have some sort of intent behind them.
blindspott777: and as you said, food, water, sex, purpose
flippy10: Yep.
flippy10: Those are the basic ones.
blindspott777: WHat really interests me
blindspott777: that is hard to explain 2 u kuz uv never done shrooms b4
blindspott777: but
blindspott777: is the "hallucinations" i saw
blindspott777: Because they werent hallucinations
blindspott777: its like
blindspott777: u see the same world, but in a different way
blindspott777: its as if the eyes just perceive everything differently and everything just gets processed differently, but who's to say whats right and what's wrong? because in the end of the day, all it really is, is light reflecting off of solid matter
flippy10: Yep. You're right about that..
blindspott777: lol
flippy10: lol. Irony!
blindspott777: true that
blindspott777: haha
flippy10: It's funny, in our feble attempts to explain our world. We've come across 'scientific' explainations
flippy10: And by that, it's really just a perception of how something functions
flippy10: But it's a perception thats shared by, if not all.
flippy10: And is at the very least, as close running to the truth as possible to attain.
blindspott777: science is great because it focuses upon how everything within the world functions, It's one downfall however, is that it fails to explain WHY everything does.
flippy10: Well, it's unable to do so without straying from the truth and into philsophy.
flippy10: Which is why science and philosophy are parallel in that sense
blindspott777: true
blindspott777: I believe that the way existance works is as foillows
blindspott777: If you look at an ant, You see it scuttling towards it's ant hill carrying a crumb to feed it's queen so that she may provide for the next generations, There is a hierarchy, a system of neccesary roles which need to be fulfilled and each and every little ant is playing their part in maintaining the system in some type of a way. We see life, we see purpose and movement towards the preservation and continuation of life and so we labe lt as a living organism with a certain degree of intelligence. However, we wouyld never expect the ant to fully comprehend why it has the purpose it does, or how the entire web of life works but merely fulfill its purpose in life and die.
blindspott777: however
blindspott777: humans have a tendency to believe that we have some type of supernatural purpose which strays beyond the confines of simple biological existance. However, we are all a part of some larger system which is so much greater than us and that much like the ant in his hill, we will never be able to understand
flippy10: I think thats the winner man.
flippy10: We are graced with a higher understanding than the ant.
flippy10: However, we will never truly comprehend the web that we are tangled up in.
blindspott777: exactly
blindspott777: and so the best we can hope for is to simply live out ur purpose and attempt to savor every second of life which we are blessed with.
blindspott777: or atleast thats my conclusion
blindspott777: others can choose to see things in their own way
flippy10: I can easily agree with that. At the very least, I will enjoy my time and do as much as I possibly can.
blindspott777: yup yup yup
blindspott777: and as you know with me, leave behind a legacy in the people whom you are able to influence. Family and friends, or anyone who a part of who you are is able to become embedded within.
blindspott777: for then the person who you are, regardless of physical form, will forever live on through your beliefs and loves
flippy10: And will live within the chain of people that you've affected with your influence
blindspott777: yup.
There was alot more to the conversation, but my point (and my guest's) was displayed fluently in this part.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
I can't stop.
Posting stuff tonight.
Maybe it's the Rage Against The Machine igniting my sense of freedom, or lack thereof.
Too many people don't take the chance to cherish the times that they really can be free.
The ground beneath my feet...
Moving faster then I can even imagine...
I feel the pulse every time I leave the ground...
Gravity my biggest enemy, you will not prevail...
I will fly far above this earth, with only these blades to guide me...
I cut through the air and slice a whole in time as I defy that which has always held me down...
I lift off and it seems time stops for those few seconds as I am truly free...
See if you can catch me now, before I leave you all behind...
Slam back to earth, my bones absorb the brutal attack for defiance...
You will never win Gravity, my unruly maiden...
I will find a way to finally be really free...
Adreniline pumps as I prepare for the next bout...
My lungs burn.. Muscles ache.. But I will not stop...
I won't stop until I'm free.
"We gotta take the power back."
Maybe it's the Rage Against The Machine igniting my sense of freedom, or lack thereof.
Too many people don't take the chance to cherish the times that they really can be free.
The ground beneath my feet...
Moving faster then I can even imagine...
I feel the pulse every time I leave the ground...
Gravity my biggest enemy, you will not prevail...
I will fly far above this earth, with only these blades to guide me...
I cut through the air and slice a whole in time as I defy that which has always held me down...
I lift off and it seems time stops for those few seconds as I am truly free...
See if you can catch me now, before I leave you all behind...
Slam back to earth, my bones absorb the brutal attack for defiance...
You will never win Gravity, my unruly maiden...
I will find a way to finally be really free...
Adreniline pumps as I prepare for the next bout...
My lungs burn.. Muscles ache.. But I will not stop...
I won't stop until I'm free.
"We gotta take the power back."
Untitled.
Listen.
More then normal.
Fine.
Do what you really! like.
(I) [am] the infinite.
[In] finite form.
Take
tHe
revolvEr
from
my pockeT
RUTHlessly.
(infinite comes to an end]
Knowledge of Cummings and basic math symbols help alot with understanding this one.
More then normal.
Fine.
Do what you really! like.
(I) [am] the infinite.
[In] finite form.
Take
tHe
revolvEr
from
my pockeT
RUTHlessly.
(infinite comes to an end]
Knowledge of Cummings and basic math symbols help alot with understanding this one.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Adrenal Response.
Have you ever heard the saying...
"No man who has lived a life of simple security ever gets remembered, except as a statistic..."
Well, if you haven't before. You have now.
It really does fire some nuerons, in terms of how to live your life.
Think back to when you were a kid. Most of the time, you were completely oblivious to your surroundings. The only thing you cared about for the most part was, what was in front of you and what you could do with it. You were young enough to be programmed into being a safe responsible adult. (Now, I'm obviously excluding the outliers. Child Prodigies, Over Achievers, Criminal Minds.) [While this thought seems irrelevant. We'll revisit this later.]
Each person takes their own risks daily. They go through their day, and thousands of times will encounter danger of death or injury. Not tempting those dangers, but passing through them as lightly as possible. As Underoath so well put, It's Dangerous Bussiness Walking Out Your Front Door. And it is, more then some people realize. Chance, probability and all of the realtion to those. They are all based on the choices you make. You can put yourself in the higher probability table for accident and death with a simple solitary action.
As a child, you weren't aware of such things. You lived and you played. Life was bliss, mostly based on your ignorance or innocence. Which ever you prefer to call it. Death was all around you, but you were more then happy to stare it in the face. Even if it was invisible, you did it.
Adults have this fear of death that is scary. They are fully aware of it, have probably watched it take action more then enough times during their lifetime to be afraid of it. To lose that which is most valuble, to most people at least.
So what do you call it when adults deliberately put themselves at risk of death?
The ones that stare death in the face, with intelligent minds and awareness are the ones that come out alive and well. The other ones, the remainder who do not tempt death. Or choose to face it stupidly and without sense. Are the ones that die with less feeling.
It is said that people who tempt death are stupid.
I supremely disagree. Those people are most alive, because they are at their peak.
They are no longer innocent, and still face it with utmost consideration.
As a child I tempted death more times then I can remember. Both innocently and not.
As I live on and grow older. I tempt death with even more care, but at the same time more probability on the opposite side.
Call me whatever you want.
They say that luck will always catch up to you.
Well I guess it's better not to rely on that huh.
"No man who has lived a life of simple security ever gets remembered, except as a statistic..."
Well, if you haven't before. You have now.
It really does fire some nuerons, in terms of how to live your life.
Think back to when you were a kid. Most of the time, you were completely oblivious to your surroundings. The only thing you cared about for the most part was, what was in front of you and what you could do with it. You were young enough to be programmed into being a safe responsible adult. (Now, I'm obviously excluding the outliers. Child Prodigies, Over Achievers, Criminal Minds.) [While this thought seems irrelevant. We'll revisit this later.]
Each person takes their own risks daily. They go through their day, and thousands of times will encounter danger of death or injury. Not tempting those dangers, but passing through them as lightly as possible. As Underoath so well put, It's Dangerous Bussiness Walking Out Your Front Door. And it is, more then some people realize. Chance, probability and all of the realtion to those. They are all based on the choices you make. You can put yourself in the higher probability table for accident and death with a simple solitary action.
As a child, you weren't aware of such things. You lived and you played. Life was bliss, mostly based on your ignorance or innocence. Which ever you prefer to call it. Death was all around you, but you were more then happy to stare it in the face. Even if it was invisible, you did it.
Adults have this fear of death that is scary. They are fully aware of it, have probably watched it take action more then enough times during their lifetime to be afraid of it. To lose that which is most valuble, to most people at least.
So what do you call it when adults deliberately put themselves at risk of death?
The ones that stare death in the face, with intelligent minds and awareness are the ones that come out alive and well. The other ones, the remainder who do not tempt death. Or choose to face it stupidly and without sense. Are the ones that die with less feeling.
It is said that people who tempt death are stupid.
I supremely disagree. Those people are most alive, because they are at their peak.
They are no longer innocent, and still face it with utmost consideration.
As a child I tempted death more times then I can remember. Both innocently and not.
As I live on and grow older. I tempt death with even more care, but at the same time more probability on the opposite side.
Call me whatever you want.
They say that luck will always catch up to you.
Well I guess it's better not to rely on that huh.
It's Been A While..
It's been a while since I've visited these pages.
Though somehow even though I'm No One in truth, I feel like I've established an indentity for myself here. Obviously, hiding in between the lines. Even though I know it's not fame there, but more subtle truth of the underexamined mind.
Anyway.
Have you ever thought to yourself, laying awake in your bed at night...
I wonder if anybody else is thinking the same thoughts that I am right now.
I wonder, truly wonder if their brain itches as much as mine does in the same places.
Ever think for a second if your problem is really a systemic problem that branches off of just being human.
And that everbody else can overcome that problem except for you.
Have you ever really thought about the system, itself. The system of comparison that we use to find the smarter people more deserving of higher jobs and apprehensible behavior.
Have you even once looked at yourself in the mirror and really wondered what the hell is going on behind those eyes?
I know I certainly have.
The only downside is that I never had an answer for myself. Or at least to the untrained eye it seemed like everyone else was feeling completely numb. Just kind of going through life, not really wondering about anything at all. At least not until recently. After more thought, I realize that if everyone's thoughts could flow through my brain for a second it would be more overloaded then a power grid during the summer months.
For a while I didn't beleive that age brought wisdom and responsibility. And yet somehow I'm starting to change my mind about that. More recently I've felt motivated to do things to further my life. Even small things, but enough to show even just myself that I'm not really as fucked up as I think I am.
Though, Purpose is still quite an illusion.
Though somehow even though I'm No One in truth, I feel like I've established an indentity for myself here. Obviously, hiding in between the lines. Even though I know it's not fame there, but more subtle truth of the underexamined mind.
Anyway.
Have you ever thought to yourself, laying awake in your bed at night...
I wonder if anybody else is thinking the same thoughts that I am right now.
I wonder, truly wonder if their brain itches as much as mine does in the same places.
Ever think for a second if your problem is really a systemic problem that branches off of just being human.
And that everbody else can overcome that problem except for you.
Have you ever really thought about the system, itself. The system of comparison that we use to find the smarter people more deserving of higher jobs and apprehensible behavior.
Have you even once looked at yourself in the mirror and really wondered what the hell is going on behind those eyes?
I know I certainly have.
The only downside is that I never had an answer for myself. Or at least to the untrained eye it seemed like everyone else was feeling completely numb. Just kind of going through life, not really wondering about anything at all. At least not until recently. After more thought, I realize that if everyone's thoughts could flow through my brain for a second it would be more overloaded then a power grid during the summer months.
For a while I didn't beleive that age brought wisdom and responsibility. And yet somehow I'm starting to change my mind about that. More recently I've felt motivated to do things to further my life. Even small things, but enough to show even just myself that I'm not really as fucked up as I think I am.
Though, Purpose is still quite an illusion.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Random.
Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to wake up from a dream.
Even though I'm already awake.
Sometimes I feel like I'm on the outside of my own thoughts.
Even though I'm still here inside.
I think I kind of lost myself again. In this insane game called life.
Addiction? Mental dependancy?
It's funny I could be such a hypocrite.
It's funny how I analyze people with utmost scrutiny.
Yet I can't face the same dilemmas that eat away at my own mind.
And still I sit here, trapped in this mind. With nothing but my thoughts to keep me company.
I try to think back to when it first started. But it's true, my memory fails me once again.
Trapped in the now.
I can't escape my own head, as much as I'd like to.
Just sleep, for once. Relax my mind.
Impossible. Gripped in the tight claws of insomnia.
My thoughts rage on. And on.
They always told me these pictures we're a curse.
I never beleived them until now.
The self-fufilling prophecy of insanity.
Oh I'd pray to be normal. If I knew what that was.
Not that anybody does.
I'd pray for death, if I truly thought that was the answer.
I'd pray at all, if I thought it had purpose.
But nothing can save me from the ravaging machines that are my thoughts.
It's like this massive attack.
Nothing you can do to defend or evade.
Just sit there, in the spinning cycles.
Why won't my blood just stop flowing for alittle while.
And let this brain of mine die alittle.
At least enough for me to breathe.
And enjoy the time in between.
I guess my innocence truly is gone.
If it ever existed, in the world.
This world perverted by correct thinking and evaluation.
Or maybe it's the opposite.
I guess I'll never truly know.
and I have to accept my weakness for what it is.
Never.
Even though I'm already awake.
Sometimes I feel like I'm on the outside of my own thoughts.
Even though I'm still here inside.
I think I kind of lost myself again. In this insane game called life.
Addiction? Mental dependancy?
It's funny I could be such a hypocrite.
It's funny how I analyze people with utmost scrutiny.
Yet I can't face the same dilemmas that eat away at my own mind.
And still I sit here, trapped in this mind. With nothing but my thoughts to keep me company.
I try to think back to when it first started. But it's true, my memory fails me once again.
Trapped in the now.
I can't escape my own head, as much as I'd like to.
Just sleep, for once. Relax my mind.
Impossible. Gripped in the tight claws of insomnia.
My thoughts rage on. And on.
They always told me these pictures we're a curse.
I never beleived them until now.
The self-fufilling prophecy of insanity.
Oh I'd pray to be normal. If I knew what that was.
Not that anybody does.
I'd pray for death, if I truly thought that was the answer.
I'd pray at all, if I thought it had purpose.
But nothing can save me from the ravaging machines that are my thoughts.
It's like this massive attack.
Nothing you can do to defend or evade.
Just sit there, in the spinning cycles.
Why won't my blood just stop flowing for alittle while.
And let this brain of mine die alittle.
At least enough for me to breathe.
And enjoy the time in between.
I guess my innocence truly is gone.
If it ever existed, in the world.
This world perverted by correct thinking and evaluation.
Or maybe it's the opposite.
I guess I'll never truly know.
and I have to accept my weakness for what it is.
Never.
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