Golden Ages of New York

The rumble of the trains echoed along the dark, dank tunnels. The dirty, dusty tracks rattled and screeched in protest as the subway cars clanked their way along them. Their bodies marked with age and use. So many people, these trains have seen. Tall, short, homeless, affluent, black, white, fat, skinny. All different shapes, sizes and colors, going someplace, or no where at all.

I sat next to the doors on this train. This car held the old style, reminiscent of the golden ages of New York. Not littered with computer controlled LCD screens or bright white florescent tubes. Coated with a yellow dinge from time's pass. The letter Q etched into the glass on the window.

Quickly, Quietly, Quest, Quality, Quantity...

These trains hold a special place in my heart, the industrious place. Not the one with puppies, or valentines. But the place reserved for big old steel factories, foundries and industry. Booming business and busy workers. I am from the future, though my hindsight remains true. We were so naive back then, but aspired to greatness.

People riding together are always so interesting. Some try so hard to disregard one another. Others try and attract attention. Some stare off into the distance completely unaffected.

My gaze falls upon a beautiful girl. Probably not much older than I, her long brunette locks fall just past her shoulders. Her olive skin glistens with the slightest bit of summer sweat. Her brown eyes, pools of thoughtfulness as she reads Friedrich Nietzsche's Human, All Too Human.

I wonder if I should say something to her.

"Hey, is that Nietzsche?"
"Yeah... What does it look like? What are you, retarded?"...No.

"That's a great book..."
"Wow, and you're pretty creepy."...No.

"Hi, I'm..."
"Sorry, I've got a boyfriend."

I play a million scenarios in my head. Finally, I return my stare to the window. The passing concrete jungle in the distance. Apartment buildings, and businesses. People getting high. People kissing. People loving. People reading. People stealing and mugging. People plotting. People thinking.

I wonder if anybody is thinking about me, right now. Not me specifically, but me right now. The guy staring into the abyss of civilization. I wonder if they're thinking exactly what I'm thinking.

The train bells ding as the Conductors voice jubilantly exclaims "Avenue H!" I look out into Flatbush from the open subway door. It's low buildings, run down and historic. Time seems to have fallen away from me, as the Q makes it way down the alphabet of streets before it.

The beautiful girl arises from her seat quickly grabbing her things. Her eyes meet mine for a moment, and she smiles. I return a smile, as she passes to leave. It's the little things that make me happy in life. Smiles from a stranger, long train rides to think.

Finally, Kings Highway arrives and I step out of the crowded train. The orange glow of the street lights around me continue my reminiscence of an era I was barely alive for. As I walk the streets, I fall deeper into the arms of Brooklyn. It's people, it's atmosphere. For them, it was a place to live. But for me, it was a new discovery.

The old apartment building stood tall, on the end of a dead end street. The red glow of the end marker artifacting in my eyes. Twinkling as it warned. I made my way up the concrete steps, my feet scratching the chalkboard of concrete as I did. Time is the enemy, I pondered as I climbed those ancient steps. Exploring the temple of the domicile.

My friends were gathered on the roof, smoking cigarettes and taking photos of the skyline.

"Oi, What took you so long?"

"Nice to see you too, Asshole." I replied with a laugh.

The roof door slammed behind me as I joined them with a metal clank. I grabbed a cigarette from the pack and lit it.
I took a long drag. The smoke seemed to join the clouds as it left me. In the falling light of dusk, the skyline was breathtaking. The buildings painted with bright goldenrod and deep purple. A rainbow sherbet splattered across the sky.

The cameras clicked and snapped at the skyline. Hoping to catch the rays of sunlight before they collapsed into the earth once again.

I heard the roof door clank shut behind me.

I turned around to see the beautiful girl and her friends. Carrying a bottle of liquor, and laughing.

Only in New York, I thought to myself.

Discovery

The cool fall breeze spread across my skin sending a shiver down up my body.

Dusk is my favorite time of day. The light of the day recedes into the earth, kind of like someone slowly turning a dimmer switch on the world. Everything becomes a silhouette, leaning up against the fading orange, blue and purple. Birds become just shadows, swooping back and forth across the sky. I feel at home in dusk, in night. There I'm no one in particular, I'm a just another lonely shadow. And I love it.

I stood in the dim light of the fading sun. I stood there at the edge of the water, staring down as I did. A flock of geese bobbed up and down on the wavy water. They were just outlines, floating on a sea of black. The wind bristled the leaves of the trees nearby, conducting a symphony with their small bodies. The drop down to the water from my plateau was littered with rocks and trees. It was an beautiful sight.

I shifted my gaze down to my shoes. "Am I really standing here?" I thought to myself.

It seems stupid to ask such a question, but the honest truth is that in that moment, I couldn't be sure. It was surreal.

For what seemed like hours, I stood there. Just staring. Staring without being judged or condescended. I was completely disconnected from everyone and everything. The moment felt amazing. Feeling fulfilled I walked over to my blue sport-bike and mounted it. I followed the trail back across the plateau. My bike tires crunched against the gravel path, clashing with the Wind's symphony.

A plane passed overhead, it's engines roared from high in the sky. It was life in stereo, multicolored and brilliant.

In the distance, I could see silhouettes of people. Their bodies locked together in passion, fiercely kissing each other. They stood in my path, completely unaware of my presence. As I approached, I could see the details in their silhouettes.

Her arms wrapped around his neck, resting upon his broad shoulders. Her was hair being blown all over by the playful wind. His strong tall body was standing to shield her from the wind.

I started to pick up speed, as they left the foreground of my thoughts. I heard a voice cry out.

"James? Is that you?"

I slid my bike to a halt, and turned around.

Her deep green eyes pierced mine, even in the low light. Suddenly, my silhouette had shattered into pieces.
"Hey Amy. Didn't realize it was you. How are you?"

Her full lips seemed to caress each word as she spoke.
"I'm good. You remember my boyfriend Tom, don't you?"

"Of course." I extended my hand to him.
His large hand grasped mine firmly, lingering for just a moment.

I stared into her eyes. I was taking a trip, right there in front of them. I traveled back into the past.

I remembered the first time I stared into them. I was pretending to read outside of school.
She caught me staring and demanded to know what I was staring at. I apologized, and stammered nervously.
She laughed and asked what I was reading.

I remembered when she told me she loved me.

"Oh, James.. I adore you so."
Her full lips seemed to caress each word as she spoke.

"You're so beautiful, Amy. I get lost in your eyes."
Those pools of green, where my stares had fallen so many times.
Within them, time stops. Moments linger and memories are vivid.

"I-I love you, James."
Must've been the only time I had ever heard her unsure of herself.

"I love you too, Amy. Indescribably so."

And when she took it back.

"I'm sorry, James. I'm so sorry."
Her green eyes were leaking tears. Streams of water running down her smooth skin.

"I love you, but I'm just not in love with you anymore. I can't fake it anymore."
Her words were like daggers in that moment.

I remember the sound of the car door slam as she left me. I remember how it smelled,
how the brisk fall air stung my nostrils. I remember that moment so vividly.

And I returned.

"Well, I've got to go. Nice to see you again."

"It was. Goodbye." She smiled. He gave me a slight wave.

I smiled, and turned away from them.

I mounted my trusty blue sport bike again. I listened to the symphony of the leaves.
The gravel crunching underneath my bike tires. I returned to play in the world of silhouettes and
undefined beings. I shoved myself forward and pedaled hard.

"I can fake it. I will always fake it."
I whispered to no one at all.