books

intertwined words, phrases, stories
with characters, individuals that roam
my mind, on their misadventures
trying to save the world
my world
their world

i lose myself inside them
every minute i can
forget who, what and where i am

until nothing exists but the story
the plot, the climax

tunnel vision, ignorant to my world
and it's characters, individuals that roam
my life, on their misadventures
trying to save the world
my world
their world

doesn't make much sense.

they say that the keys to the subconscious lie in the inner-workings of our mind.
somewhere, in between the battered cabinets, doors, hallways and skylights...
there lies the key to finding yourself.
a key you are destined never to find, but try endlessly searching for it
underneath the couch pillows of your life, stuck with quarters and candy
destined to be seen by only those who choose to look in the most obvious of places

they say that somewhere
someplace
you and I aren't

they say that somewhere
we're
different, you and I

aren't oblivious

oblivious to the locked doors in our minds
oblivious to the fact that we're much deeper and different than we seem on the outside

and much less, more or less

ambiguously together for reasons beyond reason itself
it seems as though

i dream of the day where

i am someone.

more than just ambiguously living among the dead
residing and complaining
vicariously

i live through the living

When You're Gone

I am my own inevitable loneliness, standing right beside myself.

When you're gone,
it just won't be the same

Maybe not even worth it at all

When you're gone,
oh, how I dread when you're gone

Because I will be truly alone,
not just the figurative lonely lie I propose

I shake at the thought
And shudder and weep

When you're gone
the sun will not set quite the same
the moon will not shine as bright
the birds, trees and people will shun my existence
Unlike you

When you're gone
I will sleep no more
and my life will be a everlasting nightmare of what once was
memories turned coarse and mournful

Oh, how I miss you already
Oh, how my acid tears, my emotions
my searing rage cannot possibly express

My life is leaving
going far away
never to truly return to me

But don't worry, because I'm still left with this empty shell
which is good for nothing at all

Good for sleepless nights
and addiction to escape

Good truly and only for ending

The million ways I could say I love you
do not possibly encompass it enough

The trillion ways I could say I need you
just wouldn't be quite enough

Won't this nightmare end soon?

I have taken you for granted all this time
not properly savored the moments of your sweet presence
of your sweet skin
and bones
eyes and neck

I love you more than words can purely describe
through much more than anyone has experienced
much more than has ever been uttered before

and I shatter without you

i shatter and fall.

Bubble Bubble Toil Trouble

I guess you could say it was inevitable.
I guess you could tell me that she was just a figment of my imagination,
I would force myself to believe it was true.

Your unconditional love, was riddled with hidden conditions and contracts...
And such turmoil rocks my very structure.
Your love is not as unique as I once thought,
given away to people for simple change it seems.

While you might have loved her and I, so to speak.
Then your love turns to dust before it caresses my skin.

And deeper into my own rabbit hole I fall.
I'm just a girl, just one person
Wishing I could be what you need
But would you really come back if I was?
If I am?

I would still give myself to you all over again,
Forgive and forget, as long as you still utter
softly into my ear that you love me
Always, forever

But the demon inside me, now lurks at the surface
And I fear I will succumb to it's strength over me
I have not much
Not very much at all to give
To a boy who dreams of the world, but knows nothing of it

A boy, formerly my boy
That could not grasp the reality of me
And I can no longer grasp your reality
Your every movement tantalizes me

Reminds me of what you once were

But what are you now, sweet prince?

You've broken your promise
And I've served my time
I've forgiven you, far more then you deserve
So many times, you've told me

It's only temporary
Only temporary
I don't really love her
love her
love her

I don't really need her
need her
need her

Then why do you still hold her and not me?
Succumb to her but not I?

You cannot face your truth, cannot face what you've sown
for yourself.
The words leave my tongue, burning it as they do

Do you love me?

Your eyes are pools of brown,
And they answer solemnly
Not anymore

But you do not
You no longer need to answer

And I am yours no more.

We're all dying.

We're all dying.

I'm just doing it much quicker than normal. What is normal really though?
You could die while reading my story. Distracted by it's innards, completely oblivious to the tow truck barreling down your street. You could be dying right now.

We're all dying though. So don't feel too bad.

That's really how I ended up where I am now. In this hospital bed, ticking the moments away. Entertaining myself with thoughts similar to this one.

We're all dying.

They say my time to go is coming soon. The nurses and doctors come to visit me.
My responses to them remain the same as they were before. And their responses are equally as static. They are as cold and emotionally inane as I am.

My life has been fulfilling in an odd sense. Fulfilling in the way I truly wanted it to be. I write this truly in hope that someone will read my story. They will listen to the ramblings of my mind. Shitty metaphors and all. Maybe it will supply bearing to their life, or maybe it will end up as kindling. The last call before my death must be attempted, no matter how bleak the odds of it reaching someone.

My name is Baker, and this is my story.


(Baker's Intro. Book, Intro)